To bee or to gtfo?

When I first started blogging, I think I still wrote quite a lot. I had a different mindset, which has gradually turned into something else. The last blogpost I made was in the end of last summer. That’s how long it’s been. I went to New York in the fall. Started two new jobs in the end of last year. Applied for a couple of schools. Went to Puerto Rico in April. Basically worked my ass off and dropped more than half of the things that used to make me. And all this time and far longer, I’ve battled depression. That’s been the hardest, most occupying thing by far. I will tell you about it one day.

So why did I ”pick up the pen” today? Like always, I start writing either song lyrics or my personal journal when I have a crapload of other things to do. Today is a me-day, and I celebrate the quietness around the house all by my lonesome.. that probably lasts for only a couple of hours, but somehow it feels like the most of alone time I’ve had in a long time. I celebrate that I get to hang in my undies in our bed and do whatever I want for a day — because my main goal is to relax and do what makes me happy. Tomorrow’s a big day and I need to ace a test that will determine my future for the next year. I’m talking about school, alright. Big ass deal for someone who graduated 5 years ago. But damn it feels exiting. It makes me feel bubbly. Probably tomorrow I want to throw up, but today the thought of moving forward and getting to study something exiting brings me great joy and butterflies. So reading books, watching Rick & Morty, eating healthy, sleeping well and laughing a lot it is.

One of my favorite pictures of all time.

One of my favorite pictures of all time.

Another reason for me to do the terminator is that my blog renews this month. I actually went on the site to cancel my subscription but as the crazy person that I am, I started writing instead. But it is a load of money that I’m paying to be spent on something I haven’t used but once or twice this past year. This is my first blog post in 10 months for Christ’s sake!! I would laugh if it didn’t mean I’ve fucked up. And it’s the worst when it wasn’t for anybody else but myself.

I’ve taken a crap load of pictures tho, but I’ve failed on posting them. I’ve been to tangled in my own head I’ve struggled to form thoughts and decided to keep them inside. But that’s what I do when things get dark. I’m having a hard time writing these words and I constantly have to keep my fingers from erasing that past sentence, because that states thing’s have been dark, doesn’t it? For a very open person it’s very hard for me to open up about it publicly, though I think I have a lot to say on the whole mental wellness subject and would love to talk about it more, but it’s still tough to say that it’s been hard. Because people will always have opinions about your ”hard” and the majority of people you will open up about things will never understand you or have a clue of what you mean. But guess that has to be ok. I’ve done my battling for now and since the year changed it’s been easier on the d (you pervert), but busier on the $. And since my lifestyle is so goddamn expensive and I’m already saving dough for my next trip (which probably will be the most expensive so far) I have to look at this summer as my last opportunity in a while to do this. If I make it to the classroom, that’ll be the end of my travels for a while. And that’s one friggin’ unbearable thought right there.

I tried surfing for the first time on this beach. And actually surfed too! ✰

I tried surfing for the first time on this beach. And actually surfed too! ✰

So. A long, monkey mind story coming to a conclusion which is — I’m keeping the blog. Investments made in yourself are always the best, and like I wrote in my first post (which I read just before I started writing this one to get a hang of what I was doing here in the first place) ze pen and ze paper have been the best form of therapy that ever existed for me. I promise myself to write more. Because it makes me happy. If you guys read and dig, that’s just a bonus. ❤︎

Oh, and the photos are from PR — what a shocker. Was one hell of a trip — I thought I’d make it there 50yo the youngest! A week in paradise — my Instagram saw 4 full weeks about it. I wish I could do a more elaborated post about it, but since I didn’t really have the time to become an expert of the island (barely got a tan going on), I’m leaving that for those who know what they’re talking about. It was on another level of lovely — lil’ Caribbean America; happy food, Spanish, US dollars, Don Q Anejo and a load of sunshine! For sure recommend!

Also something that has to be mentioned is that DID YOU NOTICE THE QUALITY OF THESE PHOTOS! Like I said earlier — investments in yourself never go to waste. Hello new phone and a whole new level of annoyance because you just don’t stop snapping with this thing. Best money I’ve spent in a long time!

Sun, love, champagne and all good things your way dear reader! ☀︎ I’ll get back to my feel good duties now! Wish me luck!

☯︎ /H